Someone posted this list on their livejournal and I REALLY read it and started to think… there is NO Way the Dalai Lama would say these things… Would he? Well, I had my say…
1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
But we talk ourselves into superficial relationships and the illusion of accomplishment out of a fear of that risk kicking us in the ass.
2. When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.
That lesson being that an ass-kicking is not fun, so next time go straight for an attempt to gouge out your enemy’s eyeballs.
3. Follow the three Rs: 1. Respect for self 2. Respect for others 3. Responsibility for all your actions.
How the fuck did the Dalai Lama translate Tibetan into English and still maintain the consonant consistency? Was this even originally written in a phonetic alphabet? I’m not buying it.
4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
I too have found out that most hot chicks are high-maintenance. I wonder if the Dalai Lama and I internet dated from the same pool of L.A. actresses back in 99/00.
5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
This definitely stopped sounding like the Dalai Lama a few numbers ago, but now it is sounding less and less like a Tibetan Buddhist. What is this, Mister Rogers for Anarchists?
6. Don’t let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
Hallmark Cards goes to Tibet for Nine bitchen’ words!
7. When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
How many people really do this, though? When you lose a hundred bucks in Vegas, the smart thing to do is walk away from the table, but the Dalai Lama would push you back with this rule and say "Correct it. Bet $200."
8. Spend some time alone every day.
Sure, that sounds like the Dalai Lama, but do you think this makes his Top 18? He takes it for granted that when he says "Get the fuck out of my room" that everyone else on Earth has the sense of mind to tell the nincompoops in their world to get the fuck out of their rooms…
9. Open your arms to change, but don’t let go of your values.
Oops, i dropped my values, and seeing as they were hollow and fragile anyway, they have shattered completely, so in the midst of all this change, I am going to forge your signature on this power of attorney claim and siphon your bank account. The Dalai Lama didn’t say anything about values that don’t bounce back when they slip out of your hand…
10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
Einstein said this and the Dalai Lama would probably say that chuckling like a spider monkey until everyone nods along is better than silence.
11. Live a good, honourable life. Then when you get older and think back, you’ll be able to enjoy it a second time.
The Dalai Lama spells like a Brit? Next thing you will tell us is that he had an affair with Elizabeth II.
12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.
Sounds like the Dalai Lama gave Pat Robertson’s failed 1980s presidential campaign a donation or two…
13. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don’t bring up the past.
I always had trouble telling Dear Abby and Ann Landers apart… but this has got to be one of theirs, the Dalai Lama isn’t going to talk about the weather with Hu Jintao.
14. Share your knowledge. It’s a way to achieve immortality.
This has self-impressed athiest Eurotard written all over it.
15. Be gentle with the earth.
Oh crap, everyone is on the green bandwagon… let me see, displace the native Tibetan population with a million Han Chinese, but throw in a solar panel on the roof at the Lhasa City Hall and we will call it even.
16. Once a year, go someplace you’ve never been before.
The Dalai Lama successfully used this line on Julia Roberts, Princess Di and a couple hundred other hotties over the years.
17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.
And who needs a quest for spiritual peace when codependency jargon fills the lecture halls.
18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
I had to give up being executed by Maoist thugs in order to drink champagne with Madonna in her prime. If that does not just stink of success, what does, baby?